


All The Ways That I Keep Losing You

by LaynaVile



Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Ghost Hannibal Lecter, Lost Pet, M/M, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27135766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaynaVile/pseuds/LaynaVile
Summary: "No, I.. this was a bad idea, if you see Jack tell him I'm going home." Will turns and walks hastily away before Zeller can see the tears welling up in his eyes, or the angry flush on his cheeks.Will had gone home, shut his phone off, locked his doors and windows and hidden in his bed for three days, only getting up to use the bathroom and take care of the dogs.
Relationships: Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Series: Whumptober 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1957300
Comments: 4
Kudos: 49





	All The Ways That I Keep Losing You

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Whumptober day 19 - survivor's guilt + day 20 - lost
> 
> \--
> 
> As always no beta so all mistakes are my own.
> 
> \--
> 
> Continuation of [this story](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26887576)
> 
> \--
> 
> Title from Talking To Myself by Linkin Park
> 
> \--
> 
> Enjoy😌

It's been two hundred and forty-three days since Hannibal died. Everyone told him that it would get easier, but it hasn't. It's only gotten worse, every day is harder than the last.

Hannibal shouldn't have been there, he shouldn't have gotten killed, if Will had told him no, if Will had insisted that Hannibal not come. Fuck. If Will had just pushed Hannibal out of the way and taken the bullet for him.

If he had died and Hannibal lived.. he's sure Hannibal would be fine, he would've moved on, he would've found someone new, he would've continued on with his life. Will hasn't done anything other than wallow in grief and guilt. He tried to go back to work--just once, it didn't end well and so he hasn't taught a single class or gone to any of the crime scenes Jack has tried to bring him to.

More than once Will has contemplated.. but no, he can't do that, Hannibal wouldn't want that. He can't disrespect Hannibal that way.

\--seven months ago--

"How're you doing, Will?"

"Same as yesterday, Zeller." Will mumbles.

"I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry for your loss, I know how hard it is to lose someone you love."

"Oh, you do, huh? How could you possibly understand how heart broken I am that he's gone? How could you possibly understand how fucking guilty I feel? It should've been me, you know? I should've gotten shot and died--Hannibal should've lived. He should be in his office right now, listening to one of his patients blather on about something incredibly banal."

"I'm sorry, Will, I-I didn't mean to,"

"No, I.. this was a bad idea, if you see Jack tell him I'm going home." Will turns and walks hastily away before Zeller can see the tears welling up in his eyes, or the angry flush on his cheeks.

Will had gone home, shut his phone off, locked his doors and windows and hidden in his bed for three days, only getting up to use the bathroom and take care of the dogs.

Jack had shown up--Will ignored him.

Alana had shown up--Will ignored her.

On the fourth day Beverly had shown up--Will couldn't ignore her, she picked the lock.

\--

Seven hundred and thirteen days since Hannibal passed and Will still isn't over it. He barely leaves the house, he has his groceries delivered and he stopped paying his phone bill months ago.

He's never felt so alone, even surrounded by his now right dogs--Hannibal had adopted the small, fluffy black dog with white ringed eyes for Will a week before his death. Lazlo--Hannibal insisted upon naming him--has grown well since then. He sleeps next to Will every night--almost as if a part of Hannibal lives on in him.

\--

It has been one thousand and twenty-two days since Hannibal's death.

Nothing has gotten easier and now Lazlo has gone missing.

Will let all the dogs out for their after lunch break, to use the bathroom and run off some of their energy, all the dogs came running when he whistled, except for Lazlo.

He puts on a heavy pair of hiking boots and a thick coat--the leaves may not have all fallen yet, but it is cold out, he grabs some dog treats, a leash and a flashlight.

Winston, Jack and Max all try to follow him out, "No, stay here, I don't want to lose you guys too."

Winston and Max bark at him.

"No."

Jack and Winston whine.

"Fuck, fine, come on boys. The rest of you guard the house." He knows they'll stay close, and they're all pretty good at tracking.

It hasn't snowed just yet, but the air is chilly and Will _smells_ that snow is coming. He needs to find Lazlo quick--if Lazlo is hurt and can't move him getting covered in snow is only going to end badly. Lazlo cannot die, he's all of Hannibal that Will has left.

"Find Lazlo." He mumbles, but the dogs hear him and immediately start sniffing as they head into the trees.

Max seems to catch Lazlo's scent right away, they follow him--the sun hasn't fully set, but it's definitely dark amidst the trees, Will clicks the flashlight on.

They wind in and out of the trees, over small inclines and down others, they step over fallen branches as they get further and further from home.

"Lazlo." Will calls out, hoping that Lazlo will come running or at least bark if he can't.

Lazlo does not come running, nor does he bark.

Winston takes off running, Jack, Max and Will run after him.

Will hears an animal whimpering--he can't can't if it's Lazlo but his gut tells him it is. If Lazlo dies.. so does the rest of Hannibal, and Will's not about to let that happen.

There he is, Will's flashlight reflects off Lazlo's eyes, he's lying under a tree, he doesn't outwardly appear hurt, but the way he's panting and whining says otherwise.

The three dogs surround him, pressing their noses against him, whining.

Will crouches down in front of him. "Hey, boy, you alright?" He reaches out and gently rubs between his ears.

Lazlo whimpers again, that's when Will notices the way he's holding his paw.

"Are you hurt? Let me see." He's careful, he moves slowly so that he does not startle Lazlo, or hurt him more. Will's fingers slide down Lazlo's front leg--he immediately feels what he can only assume is a broken bone, a badly broken bone. It hasn't come through his skin at least.

"Fuck." He mumbles. "Okay, you're okay, Lazlo." He lifts him into his arms--Lazlo is a big boy, but Will has to get him back to the house and to a vet.

Flashlight in hand to light their way, Will instructs the other three dogs to lead them home.

\--

He takes Lazlo to an emergency clinic--it's nearly nine now and his regular vet is closed.

"Fill this form out while we take some x-rays."

"Name, Lazlo Lecter. Age three. Breed, Finnish Lapphund. How injury/illness occurred? Seriously? Was running in the woods." Will hastily fills the papers out, anxiously waiting to see how badly Lazlo is hurt.

\--

It's nearly three in the morning by the time Will and Lazlo make it home. They had to give him a sedative during the casting process so Will carries him into the house and lays him on the bed.

All the dogs rush to crowd the bed to check on their brother.

"He's gonna be fine." Will murmurs as he heads to the bathroom to get himself cleaned up and ready for bed.

After a quick shower, a change of clothes and brushing his teeth Will climbs into bed. The rest of the dogs have retired to their beds, except for Jack, he lies on the floor in front of the bed, keeping himself between the door and the bed--protecting his brother, and the rest of the pack. Lazlo--even asleep, shuffles closer Will, seeking and giving comfort.

"Goodnight, boy." Will pets him until he falls asleep with Lazlo's soft fur beneath his hands.

\--

_"You're taking such good care of Lazlo, my love."_

_"I wish you were here to help."_

_"I'm always with you. I knew you would find him in the woods."_

_"I can't let anything happen to him--it would be like hurting you again."_

_"You did not hurt me, my love."_

_"I let you die."_

_"No, there was nothing you could've done. Rest now, my love, I'll be with you when you awake."_

**Author's Note:**

> Wanna send me a prompt? Check the pinned post on my [Tumblr](https://laynavile.tumblr.com/) and send 'em in.


End file.
